Still Waters Run Deep

Dear Coach Fabulous

I've been trying to meditate for about 20 years now but I just cannot settle down to do it - still! I really need to do it now for the sake of my health. How do I begin and how do I stop that awful feeling of 'I should be doing something else'?

Good Intentions ‘GI’ Jane


Dear GI Jane

Being named after an action movie heroine is probably quite a strong clue as to why you’re encountering so much difficulty with simply sitting still. In Western society we have a mad obsession with doing and getting, that tends to make us believe that any form of inaction is inherently valueless. Take that one step further into your own psyche and you will see that if you equate your self-worth solely with your achievements, then it will diminish if you’re not engaged in activity. To break that pattern, it will help to be clear on the value and purpose of meditation for you and also not to treat it as a ‘should’. If it’s just another item on the to-do list, then it’ll simply be yet another activity that will be hard to approach with any sense of joy.

Most people come to meditation to learn to quieten their minds and find a sense of inner peace, but there are also profound restorative health benefits that a regular practice will bring. There is a delicate ebb and flow between the alertness and vigilance of your sympathetic nervous system, which deals with stressful situations by tensing up muscles and speeding up thought processes, and your parasympathetic nervous system, which takes over when the danger has passed, decreasing your heartbeat, relaxing blood vessels and clearing away toxins. When the parasympathetic is allowed to take over, healing and restoration can take place, but if the sympathetic or ‘active’ state remains hyper-vigilant, there is no space for recuperation. Chronic stress and illness are the likely outcomes. Meditation will not only calm your mind, but it will allow your body to return to its natural self-healing state of balance.

Meditation also creates a state of relaxation where you have free-flowing access to your emotions and your intuition. If your mind is over-active, constantly dwelling on a particular problem, it can be extremely difficult to know how you truly feel about it with any real sense of clarity. As your mind is stilled through meditation, you can break through those repetitive thought patterns into the underlying emotions that can be a far more accurate guide to what is in your heart, rather than what you think you should do.

A clear mind is also a creative mind. As you develop your own powers of focus, insights and inspirations will naturally come to you. The meditative state is one of the most powerfully creative states of mind you can access. You can use it to inspire your work, your relationships or any area of life that could do with a boost. So, Ms Activity Addict, there’s no need to feel guilty about ‘not doing’ when you’re meditating, because there’s a power of good going on, even if it looks like you’re just sitting still.

To get a regular practice going, you’re going to have to walk the fine line between being disciplined and not trying too hard. If you can set aside a regular time and place, that will help, as your body responds to routine. If you give it the same cues every time, for example sitting in a certain place or a particular posture, then it will begin to relax as soon as you sit down. Using a scented candle is also a great anchor: pick a relaxing scent that you only use when meditating and your brain will respond to the aroma and begin to calm the mind through its association with the scent. Make it easy on yourself and use every trick in the book to get your body and mind into the habit of relaxation.

The easiest times of day for regular practice are morning, immediately upon wakening, and at night, just before you go to sleep. Morning works well because you’re already relaxed and your mind is still calm and unstimulated. Evening practice allows some pre-bedtime quieting down and prepares you to slip gently into sleep. Use these times for your deeper meditations and then take advantage of random ‘down-time’ moments during the day for quick sessions of mindfulness meditation. For example, you can use the time you spend in the supermarket or bank queues to focus on slowing your breath and repeat a simple, positive phrase such as ‘I am at peace’, ‘I have all the time I need’ or the classic ‘I Am Fabulous’ mantra. The trick is to slow the pace of your breathing and your mind will naturally follow by calming down.

If you’re just starting out in meditation, don’t try to force yourself to sit for extended periods. If your mind is not used to focusing, even a couple of minutes can feel difficult. Start out by simply concentrating on your breath, noticing the air pass over your upper lip as you breathe in and out through your nose. When thoughts occur – as they will – just let them pass away and return your focus to your breathing. This is the simplest form of meditation and even just five minutes will make a difference to your sense of well-being and inner poise. Build up your stamina over time and vary your practice to keep a sense of adventure in your approach to meditation. There are walking meditations, chants and guided meditations, as well as healing and blessing practices. All the great spiritual traditions have contemplative practices that you can explore and enjoy. Find the ones that touch your heart and meditation will no longer feel like an obligation and become something you love to do.

Coach Fabulous

If you have an issue you’d like guidance on, need some help finding direction or could just do with a bit of inspiration, email CoachFabulousCo@aol.com and a little cyber-coaching will appear, as if by magic. Of course, the names will be changed to protect the innocent (and the not-so-innocent). All material © 2006 Alison Porter